Just been mangoed.

I've just been mangoed. Patience now whilst I try to explain. Our House has had a brand new fitted kitchen. My very first kitchen that hasn't belonged to somebody else, in that it was ripped out of their kitchen and made to fit mine. This kitchen is mine, all mine and I chose it, even down to the rather pretentious tap which appears to wing its way out of the draining board and take flight across the kitchen like some sort of stainless steel swan. The work tops are laminate... its no use a spillalot like me having the real thing, granite and wood would be ruined in no time. There is underfloor heating - gorgeous - and an absolute plethora of spice drawers. Fifteen in fact. Two of them even have spices in them. All in all it is a beautiful addition to our home and His Majesty and I are well pleased.

His Majesty likes mango chutney. More than likes, in fact I would say that His Majesty ADORES mango chutney. He would and does eat it with just about everything. A jar doesn't last very long in our house. In order to catch the last little drop in the jar he stands it upside down in the cupboard so that the chutney has drained downwards towards the lid and can be got at easily without the aid of a spoon.

And drain it did. All the way down and out through the carefully left unscrewed lid, across the brand new cupboard shelf and down the side of said shelf onto the one below.

I may be of a substantial width but I am nonetheless of limited height. Therefore the cleaning up of His Majesty's mango necessitated the fetching of a chair from the dining table and a precarious mixture of balance and scrub.

Am I at all rattled by the migration of mango?

You bet!

A brand new kitchen starts beautifully clean. Without this incident, I shouldn't have needed to take a cloth to it until at least 2015.