A streak of nature

During our summer break in the beautiful Shetland Islands, my better half, hereafter titled 'His Nibs', had a sudden and unexpected urge. He is not given to suddent and unexpected urges so this one was rather a shock. He had this urge to streak, yep, get naked, bare his all, strut his stuff.

Being quite a shy chap really and not in the first flush of youth or figure, he decided to streak at five in the morning, across the beach at Hermaness. Didn't wake up in time though so the opportunity was missed. The next day the wildlife warden was out and about with a long lens camera. I'm not sure if a long lens camera would have caught exactly what His Nibs would show whilst running as fleet of foot as a deer in flight, but he wasn't taking any chances. Thwarted, he hung the idea at the back of his mind.
'Well,' I thought, 'he's lost the moment and will forget about it'.

A couple of days later we were out walking. It rained and rained and we became enveloped in a thick mist. Dashing back to van I jumped in and began to dry off and change. His Nibs opened the driver's door and stripped off outside not wanting to muddy the carpet of course.

He threw his clothes onto the driver's seat and before I could pass him the dry ones and to my horrified delight, he set off up the hill doing some sort of John Cleese mad march hare stride. I'd just got over the shock when at the same moment we both realised that a car load of German tourists was pulling in behind us.

What happened next seemed to run through in seconds. His Nibs moved as if chased by a rutting stag and I tried to pick up the camera and lock the van door at the same time, failing to do either. His Nibs leaped in, red in face and backside, out of breath and trembling. Speechless he pointed at the tourists climbing out of the car and stuttered
'I should have kept on going, the Germans are very liberal  minded'
Pointing out that there were children in the car, I did what every good wife would have done and passed him his clothes and swore never to tell a living soul.